Mandamus be damned

Confess, repent, redeem

billyjoyner — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 02:01:33 +0000

Forgive me Internet, for I have sinned.

I made you a promise and I have gone back on that promise. On April 1, 2012 I quit smoking and told you all about it. By the fall of the same year, I was smoking again. Many people do not know because I hid it for so long. I was ashamed, and that was the point.

There are many reasons to quit. It is terribly unhealthy, it is a stupid extra cost to add to a budget, and in this day and age most people find it – and you – disgusting. However, at the end of the day, the best and most motivating reason is because so many people I care about want me to not smoke.

That blog post, in my mind, was the single most important tool I had when quitting. The support and encouragement were great. The fear of judgment and disappointment even greater.

But, I need it all that help and support all over again. I was afraid that the blog post idea was a one shot deal – that I couldn’t go back to the well again. But, I really do want to quit once and for all and I’m willing to admit to all of you that I relapsed to help make sure it that this time it sticks.

Tomorrow, Monday, March 18th, I will not smoke anymore. Forgive my sins, dear Internet. Please, show me the way.

On Being Southern, a Boy Scout, a Methodist, and a Liberal

billyjoyner — Sun, 12 Aug 2012 17:46:07 +0000

Identity is a difficult thing. You nourish yourself; you strive for education, experience, and perhaps an adventure. These choices change you and shape you. But who you really are is what finds you. You imagine you have put yourself in this place, but the reality is that where you come from, whom you were born to, and what was placed in front of you is what shapes who you are at your core. That these things can conflict is not design, it is inevitable.

I am who I am

I was born in Atlanta, Georgia to two loving parents from Georgia whose parents were from Georgia and South Carolina and Virginia whose parents were from Georgia, South Carolina, and Virginia, and so on and so on until the parents were from Europe and America still sent the King a lovely Christmas card. We were members of the Methodist Church. My mom was a girl scout, my dad was a boy scout, and my brother and I were boy scouts. Everyone was a Democrat. We were taught to love the world we occupied, love the people around us, and have faith that we were being watched over and cared for. At the time, this all made sense.

You could love grits and collard greens and still vote for a Democrat. You could be in the Boy Scouts and it was not a political statement. Chick-fil-a was the standard after school snack or what you grabbed on the way to a troop meeting. We could enjoy these things and still love the world we occupied, love the people around us, and have faith that we were being watched over and cared for.

Atlanta was the city too busy to hate, but let’s not kid ourselves. Anyone who lives there will tell you that you do not have to hate to be insidious. Racial lines are drawn all the time – they do it officially every ten years – and yet you continue to grow up alongside people of all kinds, rarely noticing a difference. It was a place where you might not hear English even if you walked through a crowded supermarket. We could ignore the petty racial fights – race was just a proxy for personal power struggles, anyway. It was the perfect place because it taught us to love the world we occupied, love the people around us, and have faith that we were being watched over and cared for.

I had friends in the Boy Scouts who were gay, but no one seemed to care at the time. We went through Boy Scouts to become not straight men or gay me, but men. And we became men. The values we were taught then are the ones I hold to my core today: trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. The Boy Scouts reinforced us to love the world we occupied, love the people around us, and have faith that we were being watched over and cared for.

The United Methodist Church was – in the grand scheme of religion – pretty liberal, but it did have some hold out policies. That didn’t matter, because there were great people and great churches. The church taught me that God is love, Jesus showed us to help each other, and being Christian was done through charity, goodwill, and above all else, love. The core message was to love the world you occupied, love the people around you, and have faith that you are being watched over and cared for.

Maybe I was always fooling myself – stuck inside some magical bubble where porch swings and iced tea brought people together from all walks of life; where great minds and artists flourished in a community of inclusion, faith, and love. That dream has all the trappings of reality: I have waved to and chatted with the black church ladies strolling to Sunday service while sitting on my porch; I have read Flannery O’Conner and William Faulkner while sipping on a bourbon in a porch swing; I have raised cane with my friends – gay, straight, white, black, rich, and poor – all while the smell of jasmine and honeysuckle permeated our lungs and our lives. That is the south, to me.

I do not know when that was taken away – when some cruel culture warrior decided to pop that bubble. The warriors spilled the tea, tossed out the books, and set the porch swing on fire. They filled these oak groves with intolerance, hate, and ignorance – marching through like Sherman, laying waste to our art, history, and faith.

look away

cry

look away.

Whether that was true or not does not matter much to me. It is a dream now. A distant vision of who I am – my identity – that I long for. I have seen it in others. A small flame of what was and what could be again. You hope to bring those flames together and find a place that was lost. You search them out, call to the world to find those kindred spirits so that you can create that place again: a place of porches and neighbors and books and faith, where all are welcomed because all are different. A place of love for the world you live in and the people around you.

Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obidient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, and Reverent

billyjoyner — Fri, 10 Aug 2012 22:20:11 +0000

I am a former Assistant Scoutmaster, Senior Patrol Leader, Order of the Arrow Chapter Chief, Life Scout, Vigil Honor Member, and Scout Camp Staffer. I love the Boy Scouts, and I always will. The Boy Scouts have made me who I am today, but I am not able to say that with the pride I once did.

There was a time when I defended the Boy Scouts policy banning homosexuals. It didn’t matter, I contended, because there were plenty of homosexuals in the Boy Scouts and no one cared. One of my closest friends was gay, and no one cared.

My friend, whom I lost touch with, changed my mind. Go, read, then come back.

I cried when I read that. Not because I was wrong, but because something that was so near and dear to me had done such evil. The Boy Scouts need to change. Kenny points out some reasons why they haven’t – particularly the relationship with the Mormon Church – but Kenny also has hope.

He’s right, all is not lost. Below is a letter written by an very active adult scouter. He is also a very important member of the Atlanta business community. He has given me permission to reprint his letter to the Atlanta Area Council. Here is hoping that more letters like this and groups like this can make some progress.

Tracy Techau

Scout Executive

Atlanta Area Council, BSA

Atlanta, Georgia

Dear Mr. Techau -

I am writing as a longtime Scouter and proud father to two Eagle Scouts to express my profound disappointment with the BSA National Executive Board’s decision to reaffirm its policy on the exclusion of openly gay individuals from Scouting, either as Scouts or leaders. I believe that this policy is unjustified, inconsistent with the values of Scouting and jeopardizes the future of the Scouting movement in the U.S.

Last week’s announcement by the BSA Executive Board has prompted me to reevaluate my involvement with the Boy Scouts, which has been an important part of my life for many years. The Scouting movement belongs to its members, both youth and adults, not to a small cadre of national leaders, and I am convinced that the majority of those members do not endorse a policy that excludes otherwise qualified individuals from the organization simply because of their sexual orientation. I reluctantly considered resigning from my leadership position and ending my association with the Scouts altogether over this issue. On reflection, however, I have concluded that even though I strongly disapprove of the exclusion policy as a matter of principle as well as for practical reasons, for me and others opposed to the policy to simply walk away would be to surrender the movement to those seeking to use Scouting to advance a political agenda.

An individual’s sexual orientation should be irrelevant to their participation in Scouting. In our troop, we do not proselytize in favor of a particular lifestyle or sexual orientation any more than we advocate a particular position on abortion, capital punishment, tax reform or any other issue about which our Scouts or their parents may have strongly-held personal or religious beliefs. Instead, we try to imbue our Scouts with the values embodied in the Scout Law, including respect for the differing beliefs and world-views of others. It appears that the BSA’s national leadership have lost sight of those very values that make Scouting such an important institution.

As you well know, participation in Scouting at all levels has been in decline for decades. There are many reasons for this decline, most of which are beyond the control of the BSA. But for the national leadership of the BSA to gratuitously reiterate a policy that puts it so completely out of step with the values of Americans across the political spectrum seems almost calculated to further marginalize an institution that once played an important role in the life of the nation. What parent will want to get their child involved in an organization that explicitly endorses intolerance?

As angry as I am about this matter, for me Scouting is just too valuable an institution for me to turn my back on it. While I plan to continue my association with Scouting at the local unit level, I regretfully have moved to discontinue my financial support for the Area Council and national organization as a tangible means of registering my disapproval. I will redirect my designated United Way contributions and will not participate in the Friends of Scouting campaign as long as this policy remains in place. Instead, I will give to organizations that conduct themselves in a manner more consistent with my values, including to individual Scout units. I will encourage my fellow Scouters to do the same.

While I recognize that this policy action was taken by the BSA’s national leadership, not by the Area Council, the Council represents a rank and file Scouter’s only link to the BSA and is the conduit by which financial support is transmitted to the national organization. The Area Council is the local embodiment of the BSA and practically speaking is the only body to which I can express my disapproval of this policy in a meaningful way.

I ask that you share this message with the senior leadership of the Area Council as well as the national BSA leadership. I would welcome an opportunity to engage in dialog on this issue if such an interest exists.

Yours in Scouting,

John Ehrensperger

Decatur, Georgia

30 for 30

billyjoyner — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 19:08:40 +0000

So I hit that milestone. And, yes, I did do some thinking. Rather than tell you everything I thought, here is what occurs to me would be an appropriate soundtrack for the last 30 years. Some of these songs remind me of people, some of places, and some of times. It is not a list for taste nor quality – except the quality of the lessons, memories, and stories of the past three decades.

Enjoy.

Under the Milky Way Tonight – Church

Tangled Up in Blue – Indigo Girls

Hurricane – Something Corporate

Brimful of Asha – Cornershop

Flagpole Sitta – Harvey Danger

Life of Saturdays – Dexter Freebish

Runaway Train – Soul Asylum

Iris – Goo Goo Dolls

Where does the Good Go? – Teagan and Sara

Best I Ever Had – Vertical Horizon

Somewhere Over the Rainbow – Isreal Kamakawiwo’ole

Life is a Highway – Tom Cochrane

Somewhere Out There – Our Lady Peace

Weapon of Choice – Fatboy Slim

When You Say Nothing At All – Ronan Keating

Start Over Georgia – Collin Raye

Statesboro Blues – Allman Brothers Band

Lawyers, Guns, and Money – Warren Zevon

Stay – Dave Matthews Band

Ghetto Superstar – Pras (ft. Mya & ODB)

Beers Ago – Toby Kieth

Chattahoochee – Alan Jackson

Potions for Foxes – Rilo Kiley

88 Lines About 44 Women – The Nails

Love Me I’m a Liberal – Jello Biafra & Mojo Nixon

One Headlight – The Wallflowers

Intergalactic – Beastie Boys

One Week – Barenaked Ladies

Save Tonight – Eagle Eye Cherry

How To Save a Life – The Fray

Day one: Choose life

billyjoyner — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 12:01:27 +0000

This sucks.

You may have heard that quitting smoking is difficult.

It’s like having the flu. You aren’t actually nauseous, but you think you are. You aren’t actually aching, but you think you are. You want to curl up in a ball and pretend that the world is about to end. The worst part, though, is that you know deep down you can make it all stop if you just walk across the street and give the clerk his blood money. Just one cigarette and it’s all over. Just one drag and it all stops. Just. One.

Marching on . . . .

They say you should tell everyone

billyjoyner — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 21:32:53 +0000

I really like me, but it is time for a change.

I have sculpted me for the past 29 years to be a balance of essentially the guy who makes his bed every morning and the guy who has a perpetual five-o-clock shadow. I like my complexities and contradictions. I think that make me interesting. You may not. Your problem, not mine.

I am going to change, though.

If you asked someone to describe me I imagine in the first minute or so they would mention that I am a smoker. I had my first cigarette when I was 12. I have been a “smoker” by any reasonable definition since I was 16 – a time period I can now nearly measure in decades. For anyone who knows me, they know it is a defining part of me.

I do not just smoke. I am a smoker.

But that needs to change. The hardest part of quitting for me is not the addiction – although that is difficult. It is removing the label “smoker” from myself, as well as the deep roots that label has put down.

No more smoke filled rooms.

No more cigarettes on 3rd and long.

No more cigarettes ashing on the keyboard as a type.

No more traffic jam smoke-a-thons.

Cup of coffee. Only.

Glass of bourbon. Only.

Sunny day and a beer on the patio. Only.

While I’m fishing, it’s just me and the lake. When I finish a hike, it’s just me and the view.

When I wake up Monday morning, I will look the same, sound the same, act the same. My values will be the same. My accomplishments will be the same. My failures will be the same. However, I will be a very different person.

I will no longer be a smoker.

meta notes

billyjoyner — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 21:10:59 +0000

First, many apologies to the shocking number of people who still stop by here and have found no new content. I hope to change that shortly.

Second, tonight I’ll have a personal post up. You are warned in advance and encouraged to ignore it. It is more for me than it is for anyone else.

#OWS and the Dirty Dirty

billyjoyner — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 10:52:55 +0000

Over at Blog for Democracy, “Speech” (who speaks for a lot of folks down that way) tells the #OWS crowd how we do it in the Dirty South. It’s worth a read.

We killed Yamamoto (but that’s not the end of the discussion)

billyjoyner — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 15:20:54 +0000

See, here for a brief overview of the issues involved in the government killing an American Citizen.

It’s not about you

billyjoyner — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 15:54:01 +0000

I hate Tennessee. I have been conditioned to gag whenever I see any shade of orange, and theirs is a shade that is particularly atrocious. Winning in Knoxville is always refreshing.

But, last night wasn’t about Tennessee. It wasn’t about beating them for the sake of a rivalry. Perhaps it began that way, but in the end last night was about us.

For the past three years we have watch our team go literally from #1 to irrelevance. At the end of the 2008 season we had just demolished everyone’s favorite BCS buster and people were asking “who will stop Georgia?”

Then came the decent.

Last night Georgia stopped a very good offense from getting in to the end-zone for almost an entire game. The past 4 games, opponents of Georgia have only made it there 2 times via their offense. This is the team that Georgia fans longed for. This is a team that would make Erk proud.The is a team that yells “GATA” and then does it with authority and extreme prejudice.

h/t Jason Kirk at SBNation

And, fittingly, as the Senator points out, it was through coaching. Going for it 3 times on 4th down, great halftime adjustments, and getting the team to play 4 quarters at full speed are all the result of an involved and passionate head coach. This is the coach we fell in love with in 2001. This is the coach we hope retires here after breaking the father’s record.

Last night was about Dawgnation. Last night was about a head coach taking the reigns and a team playing hurt, tough, and for 60 minutes in a hostile environment.I haven’t felt this good about our team in a very long time.

(AP Photo/Phil Coale)

Congratulations Coach on number 100.